People keep telling me I am doing wonderful things for people with dementia and am an inspiration. TOSH!

I do these things because I am selfish. I am not naive enough to believe that change will come in time to help me. I do these things because I get a chemical high from them, an endorphin rush. If I do something morally “wrong”, I feel bad and hate myself. I have no choice over these feelings.

I don’t believe upbringing influences this, as I turned my back on my upbringing (private school, material worth=good). Neither is it religious, I am an atheist. It is “natural”, I can’t change it. Other people are hardwired to be adrenaline junkies, for example, but I am hardwired to be an endorphin junkie.

After my brain fuses I am having to cut back my long journies. So, I have to network locally using the keyboard to be heard further afield.

This week I have cancelled my last overnight stay away: the end of the toilet research. It has upset me, as dementia has won another battle. We also had to cancel our holiday, even though it was only to Seahouses, 250 miles away. This means my grandchildren will have to come up to see me, and I don’t like burdening folk. Ah well, there is always FaceTime.

I had two meetings on consecutive days and had a mini brain fuse, so it looks like that I need a day in between if possible, which is not always.

I have started to use social media more, and can get quite involved, which does keep the clogs whirling. I am also being proactive about getting involved in local dementia initiatives. All of which, I am sure will write more of.